Tips for reducing toddler tantrums
Here we go…
We’ve all been there or seen someone else going through it. The building howls of rage and frustration, thrashing limbs and a bright red face. Your toddler is having a proper, ear-rattling meltdown. Probably at the supermarket. You’ve tried everything in your arsenal – reasoning, bribes, pleading and threats to takeaway favourite treats. All to no avail.
The odd tantrum is always bound to happen but there are ways to reduce their frequency and severity.
1. Set an example. Try not to have tantrums in front of your child, they will think that it is acceptable behaviour and get use to the idea that escalating the drama of a situation is the norm. They might also think that tipping you over the edge is a game and try to provoke the same response next time.
Try to show them that disappointments, not getting your own way and being flexible is part of life. It’s a lesson we all have to learn so the earlier the better.
Venting your (natural and very understandable) frustrations is healthy and necessary as long as it’s away from impressionable little eyes. Might we suggest thwacking an unlucky pillow or getting in the car to have a private cry?
2. If you law down the law, stick to it. Once you’ve told your toddler that there is a limit/boundary, never go back on your word. Once you’ve allowed your toddler to change your mind, they’ll know they can do again. This will be tricky but try to help your future self by being consistent.
3. Give them incentive. If you’re leaving the park to go home, remind them of the nice things that await them. ‘We’re leaving now to go and have spaghetti with Daddy!’
4. Give them warning before nappy changes, activity changes and leaving a place your child is enjoying. Remind them WHY things have to be done. ‘We have to change your nappy, so you don’t have wet bum when we get to Aunt Sally’s place.’
5. Try to manage your own response to the tantrums. If you can downplay your response to the tantrum and save your ‘big reactions’ for good behaviour that will help set a positive tone.
6. Give your toddler simple instructions in language they will understand. Touch them on the shoulder and say their name so you know that they are listening.
7. Use positive direction or redirections. Don’t get into an argument about the object/activity you want to dissuade. Distract your toddler from their woes by introducing what you will be doing next in an excited and encouraging way. It often helps to get down to their level to engage them in what you’re trying to say.
8. Ask them to use words to explain what they want rather than whining incoherently.
9. Tell your child how to do something rather than not to do something. ‘Pat the cat gently’, ‘wee IN the toilet’ and ‘we’re at a restaurant so use your inside voice.’ Toddlers need to learn but being told no all the time increases their frustrations and therefore the likelihood of them having a tantrum. This will require no small measure of patience and then some but preventing the tantrum is better than trying to talk your toddler down mid-scream.
Good luck!
Earlybirds.